But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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