You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
