We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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