He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
