did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
