Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
