i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
