I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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