May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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