You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
