My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
