"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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