Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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