i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
