when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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