Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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