dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
