I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I want a musical about memes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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