In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
