You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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