Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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