He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
