Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
