So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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