So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I came so hard my ears popped.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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