I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
