so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
