tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I FOUND THE LEGS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
