i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
