do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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