need another drink. this is the easiest way
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
