I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
