well I can't set my house on fire every night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hippo gnu deer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
