I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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