my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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