No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
