Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
