in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
