Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
