Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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