She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Randomize
