Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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