he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
