yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
