You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
