let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
