o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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