I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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