i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
