You're so nebulous sometimes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you had me at cake vodka
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
