How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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