you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
