I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
