I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
