We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
