using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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