Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
