My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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