So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
North Korea, Best Korea!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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