the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
