Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
