My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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