I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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