the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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