I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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