I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
