So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
True college students do jello shots in the library
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